remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sext me about skeletons
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
