I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
