You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
