Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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