after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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