Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
