thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
