Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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