she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
