We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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