She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
