She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
