So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
