9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
