New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
