i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
