So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
