We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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