You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Help. Why am I so naked?
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