if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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