so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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