cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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