PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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