dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i came on her dog
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
