it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
