Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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