Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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