your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
