scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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