well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
