I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
