well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
