just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Randomize
