Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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