are you still at the devil's house?
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
