using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
