we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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