just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
