Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
