It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
