I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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