No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
