If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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