There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
