Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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