I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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