she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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