Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
