at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
