there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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