it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
