just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
