This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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